Friday, April 08, 2005

Please don't go

I'm a selfish scumbag.

God forgive me, but I don't want Tom Delay to go.

Delay's great strength with the Republican Party - the reason All The Republicans Chose Him As Leader despite the fact that he's a gutter slug - is that the guy truly has been a great bagman. He gets the money, and he's good at it. True, he doesn't always get it in the most ethical manner, but he does get it, and as long as he gets it, the Republicans don't care where it comes from, anymore than a pig cares about the source of its slop.

And Delay has spent his whole career flying under the radar. Excepting political junkies, the American public has barely ever heard of him, even while he has wielded enormous power and has negatively impacted every one of our lives. But they have heard of him, now. They can't miss him. He's standing there big as life. And he's stinking like a three-day-dead mackeral, and looks every bit as appetizing.

But with ethical scrutiny around every corner, Tom Delay has lost his ability as a bagman. With media scrutiny behind every microphone, he has lost his stealth. Which means that his only assets are his sterling personality and his extremely attractive ideology.

And Lord, how I would love to have that arrogant, nasty face to be the official face of the Republican Party.

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