Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Court Rules to remove Tom DeLay's Feeding Tube

Floating around the email; I don't know the original source:

In a surprise 8-1 decision today, the United States Supreme Court ordered that the feeding tube which has been keeping brain dead Tom DeLay (R-TX) alive be removed.

Writing for the majority, Justice Antonin Scalia stated that "there is absolutely no hope that the Congressman will ever regain cognitive function. It's embarrassing to have the guy flopping around the House of Representatives in his vegetative state. This Court is doing him and the whole Republican Party a favor by yanking the tube."

Congressmen DeLay entered "The Night of the Living Dead" approximately seven months ago and has been kept alive by a tube which delivers water and nutrients to his no brain body. DeLay has caused something of a spectacle in the US Capitol building, attracting other "Night of the Living Dead's" howling mobs of frenzied fundamentalists who bang their braindead heads against the floor and flagellate themselves in their appeal to God to bring the Congressman back to life. Even Wes Craven, when viewing the videos of the these walking numb heads, was shocked!

US Marshals have been working overtime to control the spectators who come to pray with the Congressman, and now only registered Fundamentalists with certified fatwas from Pat Robertson are allowed near the body. Mel Gibson was recently arrested when he tried to break through the cordons to "pray with DeLay."

The Republican-dominated House Ethics Committee passed a special bill last month which would allow the popular Texas Congressman to keep his seat in the House of Representatives even after he is officially declared dead. Democratic Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has complained bitterly that the Republicans "already have enough brain dead members in their delegation; now they apparently want stinking corpses to keep their seats too."

Chief Justice William Rehnquist was the only dissent in the 8-1 decision, apparently since he had some "apprehension" about whether the Court would also decide to remove his own feeding tube.

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