The Nattering Nabob

FEEL-GOOD SPEAK
Cheney this
BY CONGRESSMAN BARNEY FRANK, FOURTH DISTRICT, MASSACHUSETTS

With increasing pressure on the FCC to step up its role as censor, finding language that appropriately communicates the depths of one’s feeling (especially when speaking on the record or within earshot of the press) while remaining within the bounds of propriety has become difficult. As a public-spirited move, I am recommending to my fellow elected officials — and to others engaged in public controversies — a semantic solution to this dilemma: use the word "Cheney" where discretion is required in the expression of frustration, anger, or extreme derision.

Here are some examples of how this would work.

• Go Cheney yourself.

• How the Cheney would I know?

• Cheney you.

• I don’t give a flying Cheney.

• Who the Cheney do you think you are?

In some cases, substitution of Cheney for its synonym would be particularly appropriate. For example:

• George Bush sure has Cheneyed up the situation in Iraq.

• The Bush administration’s position is that it is none of our Cheneying business who helped formulate its pro-oil energy policy.

• In some cases, Halliburton seems to be Cheneying the American taxpayer.

Vice-President Cheney himself said after using the blunter word that it made him feel better. It makes me feel better to suggest a way of expressing the same sentiments while paying appropriate tribute to the vice-president’s role in our society.