Outsource the Government

Received this rather urgent communique in email:

(Washington, Oct. 8, 2005 -- compiled from Wire Service Reports).

Faced with skyrocketing deficits to pay for disasters from hurricanes and in Iraq, The GAO (Gov't Accounting Office) recommended that basic US government functions be OUTSOURCED.

Here are the steps they want taken, suggested as a program of recovery:

- All intelligence-gathering functions to be contracted out to Israel's Mossad agency;

- All military weapons procurement to be taken over by the international weapons black market, popularly known as GUG (Gun UnderGround). GAO was stunned to find that US-made weapons and military supplies are cheaper on the world Black Market than when purchased directly by the Pentagon from the manufacturers!


- Legislative functions will be farmed out to the Italian Parliament. Comprised of members from 22 political parties, this body has been unable to pass any meaningful legislation since 1948; If the budget is to be rebalanced, GAO said, it is crucial to stop passing laws.

- Homeland Security functions will be placed in the able hands of a new partnership composed of leading transporters of Mexican illegal aliens and Columbian drug cartels.

- Office of the Vice President to be staffed by medical personnel from the Mayo Clinic.

- Oval Ofice to remain vacant, as at present.