Saturday, May 19, 2007

I vote for Simon Bar-Sinister

From the Agonist:

Whiplash Declines Job as Head of World Bank

Citing his own advancing age and political differences with the Bush administration, Snidely M. Whiplash, Esq. declined the position of President of

the World Bank, as replacement for resigning President Paul Wolfowitz.

Whiplash, considered by many to be the true father of the modern conservative movement, first arrived on the public scene in the mid-1960's during repeated clashes with Canadian law enforcement officer Dudley Do-Right over what he called "mortgage reform issues." The main disagreement centered on his collection methods, which were regarded as excessive.

Later Whiplash was recognized as the inspiration for several long-term conservative initiatives, including perpetual tax cuts, wage cuts, benefits cuts, limb severance, mortgage reform, tying women to railroad tracks and drowning things in bathtubs.

While widely regarded as the mentor of Leo Strauss and Irving Kristol, Whiplash claims that his methods were far more civil than those employed by his philosophical heirs apparent in the Bush administration.

"Let's face it," he said, "I was a two-dimensional cartoon, so nobody took my threats too seriously."

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