Gilbert & Sullivan updated

Found in my email. The author is Phil Alexander.


Sung to the tune of "I am the very model of a modern major general," from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance."

PRESIDENT:
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist
A blinkered, blind, and narrow-minded dumb-ass revelationist
I find it hard distinguishing religious from political
And so I make decisions that are highly hypocritical.

I try and change the law to save the life of someone comatose
While ordering a war and killing anyone who comes too close.
The latest body count was twenty-thousand-plus civilians
But I've got policies that could cause carnage by the milli-ons.

ALL:
But he's got policies that could cause carnage by the milli-ons
But he's got policies that could cause carnage by the mili-ons
But he's got policies that could cause carnage by the milli-ons

PRESIDENT:
I know the world was made for us, and has been since it first begun
It says so there in Genesis, and God knows I'm a Christ-ee-yun
In short, in matters biblical, a congre-gaggin-nationist
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist

ALL:
In short, in matters biblical, a congre-gaggin-nationist
He is the very model of a bible-bound creationist

PRESIDENT:
My country's use of gasoline is profligate and decadent
It's harming our economy and the whole world's environment
Global warming morons warn of crises so hysteric and
It makes me thank the Lord that I was born to be American

Like anyone in power who wants to show their adherence
I pick and choose the bits I use from both Old and New Testaments
The Satanic secular types show how much they fear me
When I announce that evolution's no more than a theory

ALL:
When he announces evolution's no more than a theory
When he announces evolution's no more than a theory
When he announces evolution's no more than a theory

PRESIDENT:
Then I can draft a scary bill that's more than taking liberties
But arguing impugns your patriotic sensitivities
In short, in matters patriotic, criminal or terrorist
I am the very model of a bible-bound creationist

ALL:
In short, in matters patriotic, criminal or terrorist
He is the very model of a bible-bound creationist

PRESIDENT:
In fact, when I know what is meant by true religious parity
When I don't think the West is under threat from secularity
When my lack of brain-power's not undermined by literacy
And when my foreign policy's less gunboat, more diplomacy

When I have learnt the difference 'tween sandwiches and sand wedges
When I can use with confidence the whole damn English lang-u-wedge
In short, when I can state a statement oh, so very statedly
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly

ALL:
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly
You'll say no president's ever misunderestimatedly

PRESIDENT:
I know there ain't much knowledge that's contained within my cranium
I went to see the Wizard, but he can't give me a brainium
But still, in things political or educa-ca-cationist
I am the very model of a Bible-bound creationist

ALL:
But still, in things political or educa-ca-cationist
He is the very model of a Bible-bound creationist .