Thank you, Wonkette

Regarding Il Douche's claim to be a "decider," Wonkette spotted this definition on the Wikipedia:

A "Decider" is a "Machine that always halts."

In computability theory, a machine that always halts — also called a decider (Sipser, 1996) — is anyabstract machine or model of computation that, contrary to the most general Turing machines, is guaranteed to halt for any particular description and input.